I'm thinking about this today because I've recently put in applications for nonprofits which are fighting for racial justice or to get families out of poverty in DC and I just want to use my new blank screen here to try and explore my situation a bit.
I am very aware of the fact that I am a white dude with a white name. And there is this eerie feeling right now that my applications are not being looked at because as organizations become more "woke" they are seeking more diverse applicants. Or if it is black-owned organization they might just not want a white person. I'm not mad about it, to be perfectly honest. It has been happening to people with non-white names much longer than it's been happening to me - if it even IS happening to me - I have no idea.
At my last job I received resumes from all over. There was one particular instance where we had a lot of male applicants so I was interviewing a lot of male applicants and someone asked me to make sure I was not being biased. I wasn't - we just had a lot of male applicants and we ended up hiring 3 white males and a Latina female who were all excellent and made great contributions to members.
The next time around I ended up hiring another white male who was an Equal Opportunity Advisor for the US Army, in addition to being a transpersonal coach, inclusion consultant, among other things. He wrote this piece here which I feel obligated to include, both because it's amazing and because I feel that gut-wrenching feeling in certain situations which I'll get to later.
When you're reviewing a stack of applicants - whether the old school way of killing trees or the new school way via PDF or a form-filler into a spreadsheet - you have certain criteria. You're looking for someone who answers your questions in a way that resonates with you. Experience, certifications, skills, or willingness to accept conditions all matter. But you're also - consciously or subconsciously - looking for originality, likeability, or maybe even someone who you envision fits the role.
Directors do this for movies - oh, I have the perfect person for this - and then Matt Damon plays two different astronauts. Come on, now.
Some people are calling for companies to do away with cover letters. Please don't. Sure, some positions might not require it - trades, developers, designers, positions that require very specific skill sets and have little to do with someone's personality. But I believe you need to be able to tell someone why you want to be there. Matt Damon should need to write a letter explaining why playing an astronaut in two movies at the same time is a good idea.
In one of my most recent applications I put this sentence: I have a hard time identifying as a white male. What? Why would I say that?
I play basketball. When I walk up to a new court where everyone else is black, I get that gut-wrenching feeling I mentioned earlier. Every time. I feel eyes on me as I walk up in gym shorts, a farmer's tan, and my old KD Trey II's (China Pack). I count how many are on the court, look for who is about to play next, and get up the courage to announce "I got last," which means I have the next game after however many others have called next. Depending on the court, someone might say run with me. Others will pull 4 guys from the game that just played. Ouch.
That's not what gives me a hard time, though.
I listen to a lot of rap. I love my Nikes. When I was recently asked the question: Who are your role models? I listed Lebron, Obama, and Jack Reacher. Reacher is a fictional character, a military drifter who solves problems wherever he goes by kicking ass, and though he was portrayed by a shrimp - er, Tom Cruise - in the movies, he exists as a colorless and faceless figure (that is built like a brick shithouse) in my head.
Music, shoes, and role models isn't what I feel weird about either.
I have a hard time identifying as white because I don't want someone else judging me based on the fact that I am white. How's that for irony? I don't want a black person to think I'm an affluent white guy who is trying to be fake, and I don't want a white person to think I'm trying to "be black."
I am certainly not affluent, and I'm simply a product of my environment. I went to a mostly black school and we played basketball during recess. We listened to rap and installed big subwoofers in our cars to blast 50 Cent and Ludacris (and piss our parents and neighbors off). My first college roommate was a black guy named Brandon Samuel and we ate freeze pops and watched Family Guy every day after class. When it's basketball season my partner jokes that she's in a "thrupple" - a 3-way relationship with us and Lebron.
That's just who I am. And I want a chance to tell people that.
I'm aware of the irony of using a lyric from a white rapper here, but it comes from a track that resonates with me. It's from Macklemore, who, despite being known for catchy tunes like "Thrift Shop" put out a few tracks like "White Privilege II" where he delved into his internal turmoil about being a white rapper and benefiting from appropriating black culture. The lyric is:
We take all we want from black culture, but will we show up for black lives?
I want to work toward a better future. That's why I like working for nonprofits in general, but specifically why I'm looking for positions with black-owned organizations. I envision a future where the income gap is smaller, where black lives matter, and people & climate can be in balance.
Selfishly, I want a future where I won't hear people say things like, "Why do you act black?" or "Why do you like that music?" One where I won't feel weird around my cop friends and family when I say I'm working toward progressive ideals or racial justice.
I want to work toward a future where my friend Stanley can wear his heels in public and I can play on any basketball court without getting judged.
I'm not the only one who wants that future. I hope I'm not being judged based on my name, but I can't be mad about it if it is happening. I hope we can make the world better together so that's not a thing anymore. I hope.
Thanks to @markuswinkler for the blank resume image
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